Sally cried herself to sleep so many nights, trying to imagine life without Herman.  She knew she either had to live with him or get him completely out of her life.  Neither of them could take it any more.  He made her believe that if she really loved him she would sleep with him.  She gave in one time and let him take her virginity.  She felt so bad and so sinful.  She couldn't tell anyone, she was too ashamed.  She tried praying but she felt like even God couldn't love her now or forgive her sin.  So she moved in with Herman and they began living as man and wife without benefit of a marital commitment.  Her parents disowned her for the way she chose to live.

Sally's heart hardened to the fact that she was living in sin and she just imagined that she was a married lady and made herself contented with the life she had, at least she pretended to be contented but deep inside there was that longing to make things right, so she could feel free to attend church again and serve the Lord the way she used to.  She passed by a pawn shop one day and saw a wedding band in the window, it was so inexpensive, she thought, "what harm would it do?  I could just wear that and people we come into contact with will think we're married and I won't have to feel this shame any more."  She bought the ring and put it on her finger.  She never mentioned it to Herman but after a while he noticed it and got really angry with her.  "What's the meaning of that ring?  We are not married, not now and we never will be,  I told you when we first moved in together that I was not the marrying kind."   "Well,"  she said, "I just found it in a pawn shop and thought it couldn't do any harm, and I'd feel so much better if our neighbors think we're married."  She'd never seen him so angry, it scared her a little bit.  But after awhile he calmed down and told her she could go ahead and wear the ring if it made her feel better but to not expect him to do the same thing.

Sally's heart broke a little bit at that moment.  She began feeling sad, alone and unloved.  Herman wasn't the man she thought he was. He had no respect for her and was even known to slap her around from time to time.  She put up with it for several years but was trying to make up her mind to leave him and try to make her life right again when she realized she was pregnant.  How foolish she'd been.  She thought he would loved her now and want to marry her the minute she told him her good news.  She was so excited to know there would be a child brought into the world who would love her and depend on her and she'd never feel alone and unloved again.  Surely Herman would feel the same way.

She prepared a wonderful dinner that night, with all the things he loved and set the table with their best dinnerware and even put some candles on the table.  When it was about time for him to come home, she lit the candles and was waiting for him in her best dress.  She wanted to look as good as she could for him tonight.  This would be the night he would make her dreams come true.  He'd ask her to marry him and they would make a home for this child and for all the other children they would have.  She was happy for the first time in a long while.

She heard his car in the drive,  her heart beat so hard she could hardly hear when his key turned in the lock.  She felt all warm inside and so full of love for their baby and for Herman.  She could hardly breathe when he opened the door and she saw how handsome he was and realized,  "this is my man.  The is the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with"

How surprised she was when he didn't even notice how nice she looked but said, "how's a man supposed to see what he's eating with the light turned off?"  He reached over and flipped the light on and said, "what's the candles for?"  She looked at him with a heart full of expectation and said, "Honey, I have great news, we are going to have a baby!  Now we can be married and have a real life together, raising our child and maybe even have another one in a couple of years.  Oh Herman, I'm so happy, please say you are happy about the baby."  He jumped up from the table and slapped her across the face so hard she saw stars,  "How could you be so stupid to get yourself pregnant!  You know how I feel about marriage and if you think this is going to trap me into a lifetime with the likes of you, well, just think again!"  With that he went to the bed room and pulled an old suitcase out of the closet and packed everything he could fit in it and said, "do what you want to with the rest, I'm out of here."

Sally was so in shock, she stood there at the door after he slammed out for a few moments, then sort of slid to the floor in disbelief.  She must of sat there crying for hours.  Here she was, a single woman, pregnant, no job, Herman made sure she didn't work, he wanted to keep her at home so no one else would look at her so she had no work experience.  She had no idea where to go or how to make her own living now that Herman was gone.   Maybe he'd come to his senses and come back.  Surely he'd support their baby, once she was born.  Surely he had at least that much heart.

Sally was wrong again, he never came back, he never gave her one red cent toward supporting the baby.  All she could do was go to her mom and beg forgiveness and ask for help.

Her mother was forgiving and wanted to help her but her dad was having no part of a "bastard child" being brought into his house.  When she had a few extra dollars she'd sneak them to Sally to help pay the rent on the one room she was living in.  She had found a job at a box factory and was working as many overtime hours as they would give her while she was still in her early months of pregnancy.  It was hard work and she had to walk, since Hermon had taken the car and left her with nothing.  She did that for a few years.  Thankfully she lived within a mile of the factory so she could walk, even in winter, and PA winters can be pretty bad, but she never missed work except when she was giving birth and as soon as she was on her feet again she was right back to walking to work again.  She had found a friend in her land lady and she had agreed to baby sit until she could afford to pay someone.